i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
