it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
