just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
