what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
