I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
