all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
50% drunk capacity currently
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
