My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
