i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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