Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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