I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
