Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
