dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
