Can i not drive my cunt home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
