K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
birth control should be required to get into college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need a burrito and a hug.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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