How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
