someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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