You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
