so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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