His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
