Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize