i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
