See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
