When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
