So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
