Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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