whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
