I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
