after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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