My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
only if we run a train.
done.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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