mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You need a sexual gate keeper
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
