I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
