I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
