my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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