I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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