Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
