WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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