There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
