Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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