Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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