True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I forget how to act sober
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
