bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
