By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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