I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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