I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize