it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
