youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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