Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
