She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just invented taco cereal.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
