You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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