yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
