in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
