I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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