who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
