There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
