I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
