you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
