we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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