my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
