O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
