oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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