Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
