Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
