i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
