we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
