I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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