Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
