I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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