Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
