I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
