I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
