im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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