the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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