Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
