I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
