Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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