My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
